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Bluegrass Humor
Bluegrass
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story
You know you're getting older when Happy Hour is a nap.
A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple.
Marriage is Grand.... Divorce is 20 Grand.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall
Sometimes, when I lie in bed at night and look up at the stars, I think to myself, "Man! I really need to fix that roof."
Wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now...
Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Don't ask the question if you can't live with the answer.
Write all complaints legibly in this space: ( )
Q: Do you know what's worse than an idiot?
A: An idiot in charge.
Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Life is a lot greener through a sprite bottle."
Mosquitoes see her coming and yell buffet!
A:
Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
The only difference between Wall Street and Vegas is that you get free drinks in Vegas.
What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?"
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
You get a headache and they raise the price of aspirin.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Q: How many bluegrass musicians does
it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, one to do it and two to argue about whether that was the way
Bill Monroe would have done it.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under
white shorts.
Never buy a shampoo that's the same color as your mouthwash.
Rehab is for quitters.
Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken.